I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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