I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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