five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
