IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
