Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
