this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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