I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
