I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
