i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
