Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
