And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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