her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your penis caused this!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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