the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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