I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
