Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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