All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
