what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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