I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
