Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
