Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Never joke about your clitoris.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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