No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
