Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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