Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize