My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
