I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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