your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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