I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
