I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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