I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone shattered a urinal.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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