things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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