One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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