so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
