She said her name was "party"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
