Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
