it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
