I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
