dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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