I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
