A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
