Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
