His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize