I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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