Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
