I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dicks are not precious.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
