Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
