I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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