My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
