Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
