i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
