i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Mom said you looked used
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
