he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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