Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize