ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
