she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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