I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
