that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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