I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
