Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
