She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
