Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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