i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize