the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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