Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think my moral compass just broke
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