you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
