I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
