She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
