I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
