Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
tell me about the fingering
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