I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
