she smelled like a LAN party
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
