Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
