Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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