you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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