I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
