Christians are straight up FREAKS
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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