I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
