Your dad touched me again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
